My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on

When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream....

      Life never ceases to surprise me, a quote I hear very often but take for granted just as frequently.  You never fully appreciate something until the moment you go through it yourself.  It’s like when your friend gets hurt by the stereotypical heart breaker, the one she/he should have seen coming and the one you promise yourself you will see coming and not let hurt you…but you don’t and they do anyway. Or the cherished moment when life gives you the answers to so many unanswered questions of your past. This year has been a blessing and a curse. More than a just a comparison to one ride, I would say it was the whole freaking theme park. The tilt a whirl would be feelings, always back and forth…when you’re disappointed by someone and you realize that life is much more than black and white. It’s grey and then some, it’s like art, it’s abstract and subjective. Unlike art, the wrong answer can send you straight into a roller coaster, also known as the up’s and down’s of life.


   2010 was one of the best and worst years of so many people’s lives. It marked milestones; graduation, life changing decisions, new heights in relationships, all peeling away the layers to the people that we are going to become. Now the he merry go round, I find dull and painstakingly SLOW. I relate it to that dry spell we all go through..not that one..the other one. When we get a little too comfortable with our lives. We have amazing friends that we just can’t bear the thought of losing, mostly because we’re afraid. Afriad of change, of growing apart..of losing the people that know us best,  sometimes more than we know ourselves. We settle on a job or relationship, because we're afraid that what we REALLY want is unattainable, whether it’s because of financial, emotional or mental obstacles.  Or we simply don’t know what we want yet and that my friend is a pickle. Why? Because who has the guts to just live and have random experiences until you figure it out?  My favorite ? The drop towers. You’d think this would make me a daredevil who laughs in the face of a challenge. No no, I don’t laugh...I yell, I cry, I kick and scream until the point when I realize that I am  okay and that feeling of flying and being free takes over. I guess  I’m a just girl trying to look at life in the eyes so I can tell it to bring it. It’s terrifying when you have no idea what is going to come next, this is what happens when you are going to graduate, or when everyone around you seems to have it all figured out and you don’t or when you come to the realization that you are not happy with where you are in life and DECIDE to let go of the unhappiness and and go find your heart..your treasure. 

        This year I FINALLY graduated with two degrees and a minor that I definitely was not pursing my freshmen year of college. I experienced the best times with some of the most amazing sisters and fulfilled my adolescent dream of being like the carefree college kids I used to see on MTV Spring break ( yea I know, I was a special child..but it looked like so much fun!!)  I was able to be part of my one of the happiest days in one of my best friends life. I was able to witness true love and it made me believe in it more than ever.  I visited NYC and got to see my best friend start a life she has been dreaming of for so long. I had my first adult job and realized I could and will never work a 9-5 job or anywhere that my heart is not completely set on. I was heartbroken and not by a boy but by the unpredictability of life which is sometimes worse. However, I recovered with Spain. Life laughed at me trying to plan plan plan by saying "Gaby no, you are not meant to stay in the States …you need to go to Spain." Thank-you life. I realized that just because we go through horrific things, it doesn’t mean we’re immune to them not happening again. Sometimes when people we love pass away or when the person we let into our lives/heart in and crushes it or we don’t get that job or program we so badly wanted, we feel entitled to immunity from future pain. It doesn’t work that way, It’s a lesson I had to learn over and over and but it’s simple. We learn from these experiences, with every tear that we shed, we build new defenses, we gain wisdom, humility and perspective. Through every experience, we learn how to see the signs, the red flags, that instinct that screams DANGER! DANGER!  or when we can distinguish between the ZING of true love from the comfort of just being with someone because we’re afraid of being alone.

It’s another year where I refuse to be jaded or cynical. Another year where I thank GOD for the amazing friends and family that I sometimes can’t believe I am so blessed to have, another year that I can look back and say no regrets, it all was meant to be.

So whether it was a year of loss, heartbreak, financial or emotional hardships, remember that it can and will get better. Life is not promised and not permanent..the good or the bad. We all have the power to change our lives, we just have to have the courage to jump, to not settle, to hope and dream and DO.

There will come a time. It may be just a fleeting moment in time where you realize..that every feeling, every experience, every love you had and lost,it all came together to bring you to where you are and the disappointments that  you ever had in your life will disappear like a rainbow clearing out the rain….and you’ll understand and appreciate it all. 


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! 2011=Love, Peace, Change