Carpe Diem, Terra Incognita, Oy Vey, Veni, Vidi, Vici

 Two weeks ago I still didn't think I would go through with this. Nobody knows it but I had doubts. I still have doubts. I moved to Madrid to find myself again. To challenge myself and make a change in my life that would mark it forever.  Last time I was here, I was 21 years old and had a carefree disposition. I had never felt so free and genuinely happy. It was the magic of the city and the richness of the culture that inspired me. Everything from the way the people greeted each other to the wistful clouds that would lead me to day dream for hours of the endless possibilities. It all gave me strength.

Of course change can be terrifying, but the satisfaction that I get after I make a life altering decision is like no other. It's sort of like a (pardon my french) F*you to life for all of the unpleasant experiences it made you go through. For my 4 and half years of college I decided that I wanted excitement, culture, passion and constant change. I don't know where my passion for travel came from, I just knew that there was more out there than what was in my own backyard. I craved to know the unknown. It's like the adrenaline rush of a roller-coaster except this rush can completely change your life through the people you meet and the memories you take away from it.   Of course I thought that after all of this, I would know exactly who I was and what I was going to do.  Unfortunately and fortunately, that wasn't the case. I graduated with a double degree in Psychology and Spanish with a minor in Business. After realizing that I needed to just DO something I decided to apply for a Master's program in Spanish literature and education that has nothing to do with my major or minor. It was a personal decision that at first sprung out of fear.  Not the fear that cripples you and leads to settling. The one that helps to motivate us . My fear was the typical going back to live with your parents after college scenario. Not because i don't love home but because I have always felt in my gut that I was meant to do great things and be someone who made a contribution to this world. I don't want to waste time. I realized that i lost sight of so many things that added together make up who i am. I am not complacent, timid or a 9 to 5 kind of girl. What do I want? The rush, the feeling that I can do and be anything. I don't believe that anybody should ever stop wanting that.

It's okay to not know what is going to happen next, to want to experience all that life has to offer and to make changes in your life that are right for you and not having to apologize to anyone for that. I don't know what is going to happen in a year or how I am going to change. All I know is that I took a risk and if in a year from now, I just end up learning one thing about myself and this world then it's one more thing that I didn't know before that I will know now.  

Is it terrifying? Heck yes! But also exciting all at the same time. I have been here a week and have had more feelings,ideas and dreams running through me than ever before. So if takes countless hours of daydreaming while sitting under these beautiful clouds in Spain to figure out my heart's desires then so  be it. I have finally realized I will never be content with anything less. So bring on the adventures,memories and heart ache......I'm ready.